“Sometimes I wish I was only one race.
When people ask me what my nationality is, I say that I am Filipino.
But automatically, I add that I am also black.
Saying that I am also black makes me feel somehow accepted. But, I also feel that when I do this, I start to feel like I would rather be black than be Filipino, and that I am denying the other heritage that I also belong to. I’ve always wondered why I feel that way.
I was born in the Philippines. My mom is Filipino, and my dad is black and Filipino, which makes me mostly Filipino. But, because I was born with darker skin and curlier hair, it doesn’t seem that way.
Everyone picked on me because of the way I looked
When I began school, everyone had paler skin and straighter hair than mine. They picked on me and called me hateful names because my skin was darker. I was only a kid, and like any other kid, I would get them back with even uglier words. Eventually, everyone got used to me, and I became like any other Filipino, only darker with very curly and nappy hair.
When my family and I moved to America, everything suddenly changed. I never knew there were so many different nationalities in the world. When asked what my race was, I always replied that I was Filipino with very much pride, never mentioning that I was part black. I was afraid they would make fun of me like they did in the Philippines.
In the school I attended, I saw many people that came from different countries—Africa, South America, Central America, and Europe. I was confused because I thought America was a one-race country with a few foreigners and black people. In the Philippines it is hardly possible to see other people from other countries, only tourists.
Eventually, I became used to my new life in America. I began to love the way everyone was treated like an individual and the way they could express their own opinion and creativity.
In America, people appreciate me for what I am. People are always interested in what I am mixed with, which gives me attention. I am able to speak two languagues, and I know things about my country and my heritage that most people don’t. I’m glad I know about its history, culture and significant places to visit.
When I realized that it was okay to be what I am, I no longer felt ashamed that my skin was darker. There were so many students in my class like me, and no one treated them any differently.”