“Ever since I was a child I ate meat, but while I ate it, I felt guilty. I knew my heart wasn’t accepting what my stomach was. The turning point came in early ’97. A friend and I had dinner at McDonald’s and rented a video called “Faces of Death.” My friend and I were curious because we heard the video had actual human killings, suicides and fatal car, plane and train crashes.
We got to her house and the movie started. All of a sudden, the narrator began to talk about animal slaughter. From nowhere, there were images of seals being beaten to death, lambs’ throats being slit. I had been trying to avoid such graphic images because my ignorance was bliss. I knew that I would get mad and try to do something about it. Blood all over the screen! The butchers in the video were laughing, but I was crying. “I have to do something,” I said to myself. I regretted eating the hamburger right before.
Watching this video made me feel so guilty and ashamed.
I knew that I could find the courage to go vegetarian, but what would my mom say? My family? I felt so trapped. Should I continue living the life my parents introduced me to? Or change it because of my conscience and my feeling of guilt?
First I gave up meat
I gave it a try. I stopped eating red meat first, then white meats. I gave my wool clothes and leather shoes to my cousins.
My mom was skeptical about my decision and concerned for my health. I tried to explain that I could be healthy without meat.
Then I started thinking about all the other animal products I was still consuming, like milk. After I learned how cows and calves are exploited for these products—calves’ stomach linings are used to make cheese enzymes — I dropped milk and cheese. That meant no chocolate chip cookies or Cheetos. I had to learn to spot hidden animal ingredients in labels—like whey, cassein, gelatin and many others.
I also began to learn about the cruelty of animal testing. I try to buy 100 percent animal free/cruelty free products. Without even thinking about it, I was becoming vegan. That means I try not to consume any animal products.
It’s not the same any more when I go to parties. I can’t eat cake or ice cream. When I’m going out, I make sure the driver’s car doesn’t have a leather interior. Sometimes, friends think I’m radical (“Calm down, Vanessa, the cow’s not going to thank you.”) but I explain to them how I feel about it.
At school and with friends, things have also changed. Once in math class I was having a discussion with the teacher about animal slaughter and somebody screamed, “Eat meat! It’s good, barbecue pig.” I felt myself boiling but I ignored him. My “friends” make jokes like “Have you tried pig with chicken? It’s good.” This makes me more depressed than mad. I can understand that they all act differently because they’ve never been exposed to a vegan. But why harass me?
Another time, two friends and I were skateboarding. They got hungry so they wanted to go to Jack in the Box. I told them that I would wait outside, but they took forever. After about half an hour, I went in, told them to hurry up and sat there with them in the restaurant filled with the odor of frying burgers.
Since I always carry my folder of poems, one friend suggested to me that I read my animal slaughter poems to the other girl. I took my folder out and began reading. As the smell of death went in through my nose, I read the poem louder and louder until I realized that everybody had their eyes on me. One little seven-year-old kid put down his hamburger. My friends were so embarrassed that they went running out. I sat there looking at everybody, then went to catch up to my friends. When I got to them, they were laughing. “That poor little kid! We’re never going with you to Jack In The Box again!” they said.
When I got home, I felt miserable. Reading an angry poem would not change anyone. It’s not like meat eaters go into vegetarian restaurants and read poems about how meat is so good. There are other ways to educate people instead of pointing fingers. I have to remember that I used to eat meat as well, so if I point fingers, those fingers will point right back at me.
Showdown at the school cafeteria
At school, the only thing I could eat at lunch time was the fruit or a little cup of salad. One time, after I took a pear from the lunch tray, the cafeteria lady said, “Take the chicken!” She handed me a fried drumstick.
“I don’t eat animals,” I said.
“You have to take the chicken! It’s the law!”
“I don’t want to be a murderer! You take it, I’ll give it to you,” I cried, pushing the plate toward her. I took off with my pear.
That same day after school, I went to talk to the principal. He asked me if there was anyone else who wanted vegetarian meals. I gathered 11 signatures of students who said that they wanted to be served salads. The next day all of us went down to the cafeteria to talk to the lady in charge. She was real cool. She told us what the school district had to offer. A week later, salads were being served. Only four out of 11 committed to salads, but we are eating them.
It’s hard finding a store which carries foods I can eat. I buy my tofu at Lucky’s. I can get spinach, beans, broccoli, cauliflower and oatmeal wherever. But soy milk, that’s a different story. Then I met a teacher who has been a vegetarian for 15 years. She offered to shop for me at Trader Joe’s, a specialty market with organically grown veggies and some vegan products. This is so great! I stop by her class, leave a note saying what I need, and stop by a few days later to pick it up and pay her.
A lot of people think that vegans can’t eat anything but I can eat a lot of foods. Some are grains like amaranth, barley, buckwheat, corn, kamut, millet, oats, quinoa, rice spelt, teff and wheat. I can eat pasta (if it’s eggless) and all the beans you can imagine. My favorite is tacos with pinto beans, guacamole, onion, tomatoes, lemon and salt. I can even eat at some fast food places, like Yoshinoya, which has a great “Veggie Bowl.”
I try to educate others
I do my best to educate others. At school, my folders have stickers and pictures of animal slaughter or animal liberation. When people see them, they are interested and look through them, and I get to discuss some issues with them. The thing that really shocks people are my animal testing pictures. These pictures motivate them to buy animal/cruelty-free products. I give them a list of products to boycott—and to buy.
If my heart had a hand, this is all it would write. All this I have written to open everyone’s eyes and to let them know that it is not impossible to be vegan.
At school, I’ve met two other vegans. We talk about how we feel, what we eat and help each other by trading books and pamphlets. I pass out pamphlets to those who ask for them and post papers in classrooms with teachers’ consent.
One person can make a difference. As far as I know, I have motivated four classmates to drop meat.
I believe that we should consider everything in our daily lives. We should think about how our actions impact others.
A lot of people ask me if I ever get tempted to eat meat or drink milk but I respond that I’m used to my lifestyle. It seems logical to me. I respect animals the way I want to be respected. They are not inferior to us. We are not superior. I see no sense in eating or exploiting them in any way. I like living without having to take lives.”