Depression and suicidal thoughts plagued Ricky when he first found out he was HIV positive
Ricky was 18 when he tested positive for HIV.
” This wasn’t Ricky’s first interview. In high school, he was interviewed for the school newspaper about being HIV positive using a pseudonym.
“When the article came out, it was a big, hot topic,” Ricky said. “It was a big thing to find out who [the HIV positive person was]. It was ridiculous; [students] were accusing people they didn’t even know, pointing fingers at people. People were afraid because they didn’t want to find out who was who.”
Ricky’s boyfriend never told him he was HIV positive during their two-year relationship. “His roommate told me, ‘Did he ever tell you that he was HIV positive?’ I was with that person for two years and he couldn’t even tell me about it. I felt betrayed. I felt angry. I wanted to kill him. And I blamed myself for not using protection with him.”
Ricky tested positive for HIV at 18
Ricky was 18 when he tested positive for the virus. “I just broke down and started crying, and then I thought that I got AIDS and I was gonna die.”
He got tested five more times, just to make sure, before he told his family. “It was hard because they didn’t believe me,” Ricky said. “It was very depressing. They were crying. [My mom] said ‘How did you get this? Why did it happen? You’re going to die.'”
His family took it hard, especially since Ricky’s uncle had died of AIDS earlier, after having contracted the virus from shooting heroin. His family thought that Ricky would be the next to go.
“Some of my friends were there for me and others weren’t,” Ricky said. “Some of them were very religious and when I told them about it they said, ‘That’s what you get for being gay.’ I was like, ‘Say what!?'”
“I really wanted to commit suicide,” Ricky reflected. “I just didn’t want to continue life. I thought, ‘What for? I’m gonna die.’ I didn’t have the courage to do it; I was alone and I had the razor blade in my hand, but I was just too scared to do it.”
At 21, being HIV positive hasn’t ruined Ricky’s life; he is just like any other post-teenage young adult: he goes to school, parties with friends and plays Nintendo.
“I thought my life was ruined [after getting HIV]. I guess I was wrong,” Ricky said. “I gotta take care of myself, I lost a lot of friends that had HIV.””