“1. “The only meal we eat together is Easter dinner. My parents make dinner and then disappear into their room to watch ‘Friends.’ I get mad because that bonding thing isn’t there.”—Justin Palmer, 15, Daniel Murphy HS
Have meals with us at least once a week. Talk instead of watching TV or reading during the meal.
2. When you lay down the law, don’t give us B.S. reasons such as “Because I said so.”
“I’m the parent.”
“I carried you in my womb and changed your diapers.”
“My house—my rules.”
Tell us the reasons for rules. And don’t you think that a teenager should have different rules than a little kid? Rethink and update the rules.
3. “I burned an omelette, and my mother said, ‘You’ll never get married because you can’t cook and you can’t clean!'”—Gohar Galyan, 17, Marshall HS
Don’t tell us how our lives will turn out. We have to figure some things out by ourselves.
4. “I come home stoked from a concert and say, “I met Method Man!” and they’re like ‘Oh.'”
—Ani Yapoundzhyan, 17, Hoover HS
Respect us as we are. Don’t insult our likes and dislikes. Show some interest in the things we like.
5. Don’t take it too far by pretending to be a teenager. It’s weird when parents use teen slang or try to dress like us. You don’t have to act like us to communicate with us.
6. Don’t compare us with other people. Don’t say, “Why can’t you get A’s like your sister?” “Your brother didn’t have a car until he was 21. Why do you need a car?”
7. “My mom yells, then later that day she comes back to the topic and goes off again. It’s like being yelled at the whole day.”—Leona Smith, 18, Westchester HS
“They say, ‘You don’t appreciate what you have. When I was your age, I walked to school with no shoes on.'”
—Dennis Robeniol, 16, Daniel Murphy HS
Listen to us instead of lecturing.
8. Suggest activities we can do together, but don’t force anyone. “They took me to LegoLand because of my little brother. It was awful. Little kids were running everywhere, spilling Sno-Cones on my shoes.”—Dennis Robeniol
9. Encourage us in our activities, but don’t put too much pressure on us if we don’t win.
10. Look at us and tell us that you love us. Don’t just say it because we say it to you.
Thank you for:
• Having family meals with us
• Trusting us to work hard
• Helping us deal with divorce
• Letting us talk to you about anything
• Respecting our privacy and our rooms
• Apologizing when you hurt our feelings
• Telling us that you’re proud of us
• Helping us when we make mistakes
• Not nagging us about little stuff”