Guys speak out: Relationships are tough

Seth Shamban, 17, North Hollywood HS: "I think guys are lost but I also think girls are lost, too. Girls don’t want to show that they’re lost as easily. Because in a more patriarchal society they’re the ones who are supposed to be nurturing. They’re supposed to be nurturing a relationship and taking care of it."

Enoch Kim, 15, Crossroads School: "I don’t think that’s really true [that guys are lost]. From what I’ve seen at my school, people could usually tell if someone likes them."

Seth: "I don’t think that when you’re in high school you can know what to do. It’s very hard when you’re in school and you’re trying to juggle school and everything else."

Khoren Mirzakhanian, 13, Roosevelt MS: "They are both lost. First of all, with one asking another out, the girl is like ‘OK, what do I say? What if the guy doesn’t like me?’ And the guy’s like ‘What if I ask?’ When they say ‘no,’ it’s hard for guys to ask a girl out."

Why is it hard to ask a girl out?

Hakop Aladzhadzhyan, 12, Roosevelt MS: "If she’s like the popular girl and she says ‘no,’ you get humiliated by the whole school. They’re just laughing at you."

Enoch: "It’s not that big of a deal. I mean it’s just ‘Hi, want to go out?’"

Seth: "I don’t really think it’s that hard. I think it’s hard when you romanticize it. When you think that by asking someone out it’s going to change everything. It really doesn’t. Because afterwards there’s that awkward moment, like, what do you do? It’s not like bells are gonna go off and the world is gonna end or change because you asked someone out. It’s just another part of life and you have to move on."

Enoch: "I think that in high school when they say they love each other, that true love is really rare. The chances are that by the end by graduation you’ll have gone through like five different people and loved them all."

Do you think the word ‘love’ is overused in high school?

Khoren: "Yeah. I don’t know … it’s like ‘Let’s just give it a try. If I dump you in two days, forget about it.’ Because people [are] going out for like two days and they start kissing and everything and one goes to another’s house and they go to the mall. They go to the movies and are like ‘Oh, I love you. I’m going to stay with you forever.’ And then like two days later, ‘You know what? Some girl asked me out. Forget you.’ It should be: ‘You want to give it a try and see how long it lasts?’"

Enoch: "I think in a relationship they’re inclined kind of to say [I love you] to each other just to keep it going. ‘Do you love me?’ ‘Oh yeah, of course.’ I think people feel like they have to say it even though they really don’t have any idea if it’s true."

Seth: "Maybe it isn’t that the word ‘love’ is used too much. Maybe we just put too much importance on a single word instead of looking at actions."

Is it expected for guys to ask girls out?

Seth: "I would never date someone who wouldn’t ask me out because I don’t like people who are really submissive and really passive. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ask a girl out, I’m saying I wouldn’t ask a girl out who I didn’t think would ask me out, too."

Enoch: "I think it goes both ways. I guess it used to be that the guy had to ask … but now it could go either way. I don’t see how it matters."

Khoren: "I think girls should ask guys out, because it’s kind of hard for [guys]. They’re like: ‘What do I say so the girl understands me?’ It’s like ‘Let’s go out,’ and then it’s ‘OK, what do I say now?’ Because, guys are lost. Girls they have that girl thing. They know what to say. They practice with girls. They just have a talent."

Seth: "I think in terms of gender politics [girls] feel less empowered now than they did 10 to 15 years ago. Two decades ago there was the prevalence of the Sadie Hawkins dance, in which the girl would ask the guy out. Now at my school people don’t even really know what that is."

Enoch: "A lot of people might not know about that now."

On assumptions …

Seth: "I think that really varies by girl. I know some girls make the assumption that if they do ask a guy out that guy will be turned off [which is wrong]. That’s probably the biggest one, that if they turn the sexual tables the guy won’t respond at all."

Enoch: "I’d just tell them to concentrate on school, because that’s more important right now. Unless you’re trying to find your soul mate for life, school’s more important than your relationship that will last for like another two years."

Khoren: "Yeah, but people go out when they’re young because they need experience when they get older. Because when you’re old and you have to take like lessons for going out on a date, it’s like ‘You’re 46. Don’t you know how to go out on a date?’"

Who talks more about relationship stuff?